We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
