I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
