We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
