He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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