69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
