You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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