I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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