Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
