sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
