My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
