Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
