So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
