you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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