Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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