Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's always time for handjobs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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