Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
