does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
please don't ironically join a cult
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