Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
