come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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