She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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