I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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