My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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