the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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