i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
