I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
