i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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