I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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