I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
