idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
