Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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