we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
