I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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