I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
