good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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