My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if only i could text you this smell
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
