The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
