Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i think im in europe. pls send help
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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