I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
