and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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