we're blogging at a bar
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
