I'm really into asian looking animals
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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