He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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