I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just had sex on a roof
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
