I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
