This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
