party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
