Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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