i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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