I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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