i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
