yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
